14 Intimate and Simple Ways to Connect with Your Partner During Pregnancy (And After!)
Transitioning from pregnancy to parenthood can be exhilarating, exhausting, exciting, and frustrating. It is a time that can cause couples to grow together or apart as you experience emotional and physical changes. As such, pregnancy is a wonderful time to invest in your relationship, nurture your bond, and reconnect fully and lovingly. We encourage you to use this sacred time to remember why you decided to embark on this journey in the first place. Need ideas to help strengthen your connection? We have 14 intimate and simple ways to connect with your partner during pregnancy that will you saying, “oh, yes!”.
Share Experiences Together
Couples that share experiences together tend to have a solid bond. Use your pregnancy as a reminder that you have made the ultimate decision to parent and do life together. From cooking on date night to running errands, we have some recommendations to get bonding going.
Remember that it is about spending meaningful time together, no matter the activity.
Cook together. Food tends to taste so much better when it’s the product of love! Pick one night every week where you are both available to stay in for a nice meal. Tag-team or divvy up duties for an epic main course and delicious dessert. Want to spice things up? Have a friendly competition! Each of you can tackle a dish of your choosing. Check out Epicurious.com or Delish.com for rave-worthy recipes. You can make the meal especially romantic by getting dressed up in your favorite outfits when it’s time to eat. Either way, a fun, good time will be had by all.
Run errands. Let’s face it - errand runs are monotonous and we often dread carving out time to get them done during the week. Why not ask for a little company to make the experience more enjoyable? Have a grocery list that must be tackled? Do it together. Need to pick up a prescription? Turn it into an outing. Got a gift that you need to mail for your best friend’s birthday? Grab your partner’s hand and head to the post office. Going on errand runs together gives you an opportunity to steal moments throughout the week. It’s a chance to catch up on what you both have done during the week and what you are looking forward to next week.
Bond over hobbies and interests. If you have an interest in a particular topic or activity, share with your partner. For example, if you love history documentaries and notice an interesting one that is premiering next week, ask your partner to join you for a movie night. Be open to your partner if they make the same request. When couples connect through a passion, it can lead to a deeper intimacy. For example, if your partner enjoys completing puzzles, ask if you can join them. Working together towards a common goal can lead to feelings of fondness and mutual respect.
Have breakfast together when possible. Before you go your separate ways for the day, indulge in a nice breakfast together. You can choose to make something at home or go check out a new breakfast eatery in your neighborhood. On opposite schedules? Consider a virtual call where you can quickly check-in before you start your workday.
Disconnect to connect. Schedule some time together during the week and turn off your phone, tablet, and other devices. When you do so, you are making a conscious decision to connect with your partner. You are prioritizing time with your partner over checking out the newest posts on social media, giving your relationship a much-needed boost. Want to make it extra special? Talk about why you love your partner and what you are looking forward to as you welcome your new baby.
Find Ways to Be Intimate (emotionally and Physically)
Your desire for intimacy and sex in general can shift during pregnancy. For some mothers, dealing with physical changes, like nausea and fatigue, make it difficult to want to connect with a partner intimately and sexually. As your pregnancy progresses, you may or may not find yourself open to regular sexual activity. This is very common and can be attributed to hormonal changes. Intimacy does not have to just include sex, nor does it have to include sex at all.
Every woman is different and as a result, this is the prime time to engage with your partner to ensure you are aware of the other’s needs.
Have sex if you’re up for it. Wanting to connect with your partner sexually is normal. Note that some positions that may have felt enjoyable and comfortable prior to pregnancy may feel downright uncomfortable now. Have fun experimenting with other positions that allow you to enjoy without feeling pain. Remember that your comfort level is key - if at any point, you find yourself preferring not to have sex, communicate this with your partner. Finally, if you have a high-risk pregnancy and are concerned about miscarriages, vaginal bleeding and discomfort, preterm labor, or other medical issues, be sure to check with your care provider beforehand. If your care provider has instructed you not to have sex, we have some other amazing ways to connect below.
Talk about your intimate and sexual needs. Not feeling up for sex or desiring more sex as your pregnancy progresses? Maybe you want other intimate gestures, like kissing and cuddling, more than sex. That’s okay! With all of the changes that are happening to you emotionally and physically, you may not be as interested in your sex life as you were in the past. Or you may feel a new desire to connect differently than you did before. Sit down and talk about it to get ahead of any incompatibility issues that may arise going forward. If you are unsure how to communicate what you are feeling and need insight into how to communicate, consult with a therapist who specializes in families and relationships for help finding the right words.
Indulge in a DIY couples’ massage. Grab a luxurious bottle of massage oil, dim the lights, lay down, and take turns massaging each other. This intimate act is a wonderful way to connect physically without having sex. If you want to emulate a spa setting, you and your partner can turn on some soft jazz, put a few drops of lavender oil in an oil diffuser, and set up nice, soft sheets on your bed. Focus on keeping the massage loving and slow for the ultimate evening. Want to make the DIY massage extra special? Light candles, or better yet, use battery-operated tea lights. If you want to use candles, just remember to keep an eye on them and blow out when you are done.
Hug it out. Embrace your partner when you can and enjoy the feeling. You don’t have to talk or escalate to anything more if you do not want to do so. Hugs, and other intimate acts like kissing and sex, cause our body to release oxytocin. Oxytocin is also known as the “cuddle” or “love hormone”. Not only is a nice, cozy, and long hug a great way to get closer to your partner, it is also reduces your anxiety levels. So reach for your partner and encourage them to do the same!
Communicate
Communication is so vital to the health of a relationship. Oftentimes, we are so distracted by our day-to-day obligations that we forget to connect with our partners through the simple act of conversation. As a couple welcomes a new baby, who they are as a person can shift.
By communicating regularly, you can become even more in tune with your partner and their thoughts. The benefit? You grow closer together.
Write love notes. We are taking this old-school! Plan an activity where you exchange love notes every day during a designated time. Maybe you want to do it in your third trimester as you prepare for two to become one. Grab a post-it note and a pen and write a sweet message to your partner. Your partner should do the same. At the beginning of every day during this designated time, exchange your written love notes but do not open them right then and there. Open them later in the day when you are apart. You and your partner can talk about what the notes meant to you after you have finally opened them. Save them to a scrapbook if you wish to preserve them.
Have in-depth conversations about parenting. Now is a great time to talk about your excitement and concerns about the future. Consider talking about how you might want to parent - maybe you are considering an authoritarian parenting style while your partner is leaning more towards an authoritative parenting style. Or maybe you find attachment parenting concepts interesting, like co-sleeping, while your partner is envisioning that your child will sleep in their own room after birth. Either way, you can intimately connect with your partner by talking about how you hope to parent collaboratively and effectively. You do not have to have it all figured out today, tomorrow, or next month, but this conversation can provide good food for thought as you walk into this next stage.
Talk baby. It can feel like your to-do list is never-ending when you are pregnant. From baby names to nursery themes to finding the right pediatrician, you may find yourself overwhelmed by the sheer number of things that must be done before your little one comes home. Sit down and write out what you hope to accomplish before that point. Talk about things that you are both excited and concerned about as you tackle this list. During these conversations, you may talk about who the baby might look like or whose personality they will have. You might discover that your partner is nervous about diapering the baby properly while you may confide that you worry about how to get the baby settled into a routine. Once you have these excitements and concerns out in the open, this is a chance to really bond.
Be honest. During this time, you may feel a lot of emotions, some positive and some negative. Discuss them as they come up so you and your partner are on the same page. If you have a concern about something your partner has or has not done, talk about it up in a way that you are focused on finding a solution to the problem. For instance, let’s say that you want your partner to install the carseat. Instead of saying, “Why haven’t you installed the carseat yet?”, be specific and ask your partner to do something actionable. Instead, tell your partner, “Please install the carseat by the end of this weekend. We need to do it now since I am so close to the due date”. By focusing on a solution to the problem, why the solution is necessary, and not your partner specifically, you can acknowledge what is upsetting you while also making steps to move forward in a constructive way.
Listen and observe. It is one thing to hear your partner…it is another to listen. When talking to your partner, do you feel you came away from the conversation with a better understanding of their positioning? Do you feel they came away from it with a better understanding of yours? Do you feel concerns were addressed and a mutual conclusion determined? Did a positive shift occur in you and/or your partner’s body language to indicate that the discussion was resolved satisfactorily? Before moving on another topic of discussion, verify that all parties feel heard. Listen to the words and language used, reflect on the body language exhibited, and welcome any follow-up discussion as needed.
Bottom Line
Building and maintaining togetherness, communication, and intimacy during pregnancy can lead to positive memories of the pregnancy and a satisfying delivery. Try to connect whenever possible, even on your busiest days. A “just thinking of you” call can go a long way and also serves as a way to build up excitement for when you can connect in-person. Happy Connecting!